I help couples and families cope with their relationship stress and it’s a joy to see them grow and put an end to their repeated unhealthy cycle of negative responses. There is a scientific explanation to our relational deficits. And there is a scientific process to restoring damaged relationships. When families and couples begin to restore I can identify several or maybe even all six of the following signs of emotional and relationship maturity.
6 signs of emotional and relational maturity.
1. Healthy Boundaries – You have to learn to set property line on yourself. It’s like your own bedroom door. You have to know who to let in to your room and when to kick them out. Some people let anybody into their lives and don’t know how to ask them to give them space. Unhealthy families practice blurred boundaries and cross that property line without permission. Set your boundaries and practice self care and emotional independence. Learn to say no to others without feeling guilty. You should never feel bad for saying no to anyone if your plate is full. You have to be healthy first.
2. Identify Your Emotions – Do you know what you’re feeling? Do you know if what you are feeling is tertiary, primary or secondary? Could your anger be covering your sadness? If you know what you feel and understand the causes of that emotion then you will understand yourself.
3. Admitting you are wrong – Emotionally immature people can never say, “Sorry.” Well, they are emotionally immature. Therefore their pride does not allow them to admit their wrongs. A mature and secure person will know when they are wrong and does not get so upset if someone points it out. This does not mean that you should automatically blame yourself if someone points to you. No, no. But you can evaluate yourself more honestly and admit your shortcomings if your spouse or parents point out your shortcomings.
4. Slow to react and be thoughtful to respond – An emotionally mature person will respond less emotionally and be more rational under stressful situations in their relationship.
5. Communicate clearly your needs and let people know how you feel – Are you an emotional stuffer? Or do you let others know if you don’t like being treated a certain way? If you are emotionally healthy and have clear boundaries you can communicate to others what your needs are and communicate confidently how you feel.
6. Able to make decision on your own. Mature people know what they want or don’t want. They also know what they need and don’t need. Emotionally mature people don’t need other people’s validation. Some people are addicted to approval and they’ll never be happy if their goal in life is to make others happy. You have to make your own decision and own your risk. Success or failure…it’s yours. You don’t owe anyone and no one owes you.
(Source: Kati Morton, LMFT)